In the storm

The last few weeks have been tough. I have felt so weighed down by the devastation caused by sin in this world. I have cried out a lot of "Why God?" questions and I have wrestled with these things. 

It can be hard, if not impossible to understand the intersection of the sovereignty and the goodness of God when we look at the hurt and the pain all around us. But as I was wrestling with these things--the Sovereign Lord allowed a simple Wednesday evening message to speak His goodness to my heart. 

We were studying Acts, but the verse that caught my eye--and spoke directly to my heart was one little cross reference was in Mark 6--Jesus's disciples are in a boat crossing the sea of Galilee and a storm comes up against them--it actually says that "they were making headway painfully." Isn't that often how this life feels--like making headway painfully? For every step forward it's two steps back. But then the Lord Jesus comes and He says, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." Then the storm is calmed. 

The thought that the Lord brought to my mind that night was this---"Do you trust more in the Lord who never allows a storm or the Lord who is present with you in the midst of the storm?" 

The reality is that when we have periods of calm--we quickly forget the Lord who is with us always. But in the midst of life's storms we take heart in realizing the presence of the One who says, "It is I. Do not be afraid." 

It is also interesting to note that the Lord calmed their hearts before He calmed the sea--He may not always calm the storm right away but He calms His child in the storm. 

So, Lord Jesus, I pray that I would see You in the storms--that I would recognize Your presence with me and that I would take heart.Help me to remember that the gift of Your presence is a far greater gift than any escape from earthly circumstances. 

Fasting for Lent

My heart is often drawn to Isaiah 58 during Lent, at least in the last few years, as I have come to appreciate Lent for what it should be--40 days to prepare our hearts for the greatest celebration of our most precious HOPE the GLORIOUS RESURRECTION of the LORD Jesus Christ! 

Isaiah 58 always seems to put Lenten fasting in its proper perspective. 

I will not fast from food, as I know my heart would treat that like dieting--putting the focus back on me. So many of the things that I considered giving up only seem to smack of legalism and trying to be good enough on my own--and I need to learn more of His grace. 

So this Lent, I will not give up anything, except perhaps by default, as I seek to add in more time with my Savior, and more service to His people. I want this Lent to draw me close to the Lord Jesus, to cause my heart to overflow with His grace, and to learn to show His love to those who walk this journey alongside me. 

"And the Lord will guide you continually

    and satisfy your desire in scorched places

    and make your bones strong;

and you shall be like a watered garden,

    like a spring of water,

    whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11

Serving your Ultimate Master

Tonight I was thinking about a lesson I learned back in high school and one that I think I need to learn again---

My Junior year in high school I had two teachers that I really had a hard time with. One was my choir director--she had a tendency to scream and yell when we weren't doing what she wanted and it made me start to dread chorus. The other was my European history teacher--he was a bad teacher and I was a smart enough kid to be annoyed and upset by it. 

For a while I went to both classes with a chip on my shoulder--I would sing in chorus but without any joy--I either lived in fear that she would yell or in anger because she did. And I did nothing but complain about European history. 

Then one day something changed. I don't remember if someone said something to me, or if I read something in my quiet time that reminded me, or if it was just the still small voice of the Lord reminding me of what I already knew--

"Remember Who you serve."

That little phrase whispered to my heart, totally changed my perspective. I went to chorus and sang my heart out--because after all--were we not created to worship our Creator--and part of that is using the gifts that He has given us! I went to European history and listened and learned and was challenged by my relationships with the other students. 

My daily grind of school work took on whole new meaning as I daily was reminded that I was there to bring honor and glory to the Lord Jesus--not to please a teacher, get a good grade, or make someone like me. 

The last part of Colossians 3 is paraphrased this way in the Message and I think it says it well.

"And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.  Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ."

With you

Tonight for some reason I was thinking about my earliest days as a new nurse at Highland Hospital. I was young; I was green; and I knew it. Early on in my nursing career I had my first panic attack--as the weight of all that I was responsible for weighed down on me and crushed the breath right from me. 

There were two things that loosed the grip of that crushing choke hold of fear--prayer and Judy O. 

My dear mama would get up with me before every day shift--at 5:30am we would sit on the love seat and commit my day and my patients to the Lord who alone truly held their life and breath. I learned to trust and to let go in those early morning hours before the throne of grace (and Oh Lord! I need to learn that lesson again)! 

The other thing that eased my fears was Judy O. She was a great nurse and she had been a nurse longer than I had been alive. Anytime I walked on the floor and saw Judy there taking report I would breath easier and would feel the weight on my shoulders lessen because I knew that nothing would happen to me or to my patients while Judy was there. She was everything that I was not--she was experienced--I had none. She was competent--I was learning. She was confident--I was insecure.

As I thought about that tonight I thought of a verse that I found today, "For I am the Lord your God who takes your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

Just as the physical presence of my co-worker eased my fears because of all that she was capable of--how much more should the continual, unfailing presence of the Lord ease my fears. For everything that I am incapable of--He is able. I can't love without Him--He is love. I am full of pride--He teaches me humility. I can't be good, or brave or kind--He is the One who clothes me in His righteousness, whose love drives out my fears, and who teaches me compassion. 

Never Alone

Sometimes the littlest thing can drive me to tears.
Today it was a clogged toilet. 
Now, clogged toilets are not ordinarily something that I find overwhelming or difficult to deal with. But my toilet has been clogging multiple times a day and my patience is starting to wear thin. The last time it clogged I went and borrowed my parent's plunger which is much more hefty than mine and managed to get it unplugged. Today was looking like it was going to be one of those days. After at least 20 minutes of failed attempts to plunge the toilet I hopped in the car and drove down the road to my parents house feeling frustrated that I had to waste my time on this silly toilet. I walked in and told my dad that I need to borrow the plunger--the frustration obvious in my voice, if not in the fake smile pasted across my face. He smiled  and said, "It's good practice."

I knew what he meant; I am hoping to buy a house after renting for 4 years and while right now I have a landlord to fall back on, pretty soon all the responsibility of a house will be mine. So yes, I had better learn to (successfully) plunge my own toilets. 

But what it felt like was just another reminder that I am alone. I don't have a husband to plunge the toilets or kill the bugs, or tell me what that funny noise is that my car is making. I don't live at home and so I don't have dad or brothers around to always do those things either. 

As I stomped out to my car and got in and slammed the door behind the plunger I had thrown in the backseat, hot tears stung my eyes. Because really, the truth is sometimes it makes me angry. When I see my friends around me getting married and having babies; When I see the joy that those little ones bring; When I come home to an empty house---sometimes that ache is too great to bear. 

I turned on the radio reflexively as I got into the car. It took a moment for the words to reach me then my tears started to come harder, but less angry, and more repentant and grateful as I heard these words.

"Never once did we ever walk alone, 

Never once did You leave us on our own. 

You are faithful, God, You are Faithful!" 

(Matt Redman)

Sometimes in the midst of the difficulties, and heartaches of this life we can lose sight of this simple truth. We look at our circumstances and say, "God, where are You?" 

The Answer is simple. He is Immanuel. He is here with us. No. Matter. What. He will never leave us on our own. 

P.S. (I got the toilet unplugged. I think I need to invest in a better plunger.)

He is For us

"It tells me what my Father hath, in store for everyday, And, tho' I tread a darksome path, yields sunshine all the way.--"

Sunday morning, while singing this I accidentally sang "dread" instead of "tread" and thought, isn't that so often my problem? --I don't really "tread a darksome path"-- the Lord has truly blessed me with "sunshine all the way" but so often I "dread a darksome path," failing to trust my Father's love. 
Ann Voskamp says, "All fear is but the the notion that God's love ends." And this is my problem-- I fear-- I fear what might be or what might not be... I fear rather than trust.

The Lord brought these verses to mind--He is for us...

"What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:31-32

"He is the God that is so for us that He can't stay away from us. The God who loves us and likes us and isn't merely 50 percent or 72.3 percent for us, but the God who is always, unequivocally, 100 percent for us--the God who so likes us, the God who is so for us that He is the God who chooses to be with us (A.V. The Greatest Gift)." 

The rest of Romans 8 explains how God is for us-- 

"Who shall bring any charge against God's elect?" "God is for us." The accusations are ended.

"Who is to condemn?" "God is for us." The condemnation is no longer ours to bear.

Who shall separate us from the Love of Christ? "God is for us." There is no longer anything that can separate us from the Love of Christ.

So as we remember that He came as Immanuel, God with us,may we also remember that He came because of His great Love for us.
A Love that silences the accusations..." You are not enough." He became nothing to give us all things.
A Love that bore our condemnation. "There is therefore now no condemnation to those that are in Christ Jesus."
A Love that came to dwell with us. Immanuel. The Final Word.

The Voice of the Lord

Inspired from Psalm 29

In a Bethlehem town a cry was heard
a child was born-- the Living Word

The Voice that rules the lands and sea, 
embodied in an infant's cry, how can it be?

The Voice that thunders o'er the deep,
is now barely heard among the sheep.

The One who would one day cry out from a cross, 
became an infant to save the lost

The One whose word had the power to heal,
cried out to His mother for his next meal. 

The One who's very words have the power to save, 
Entered time with the cry of a newborn Babe. 

My mind can scarcely comprehend
How the Lord came down to make me His friend

How the One whose words hold the World in place
Would be born into this human race

To become like us, to bear our sin
To die for us, to make us kin

God with us--a babe first came. 
To heal the sick, the blind and lame

This is our LORD, our God and King!
His name we proclaim--His praise do we sing!