Fearfully and wonderfully made

This past summer a friend of mine gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He was born a few days before my birthday and I earnestly prayed for his safe delievry. A week later, as I turned 29, he had his first heart surgery. As I write this he is about to go in for his second heart surgery and I will pray again for this little one and his family. 

Before he was born we heard the news that this sweet boy would have a serious heart defect and around the country and around the world people were interceding on his behalf. As I prayed for him and his family I began to wrestle with God. I was struggling with how this could be His plan. Then one day I read Psalm 139 and when I got to the famous verse 14, I read the familiar words "I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Something twisted inside--Really, God? What is so wonderful about babies who are born with life altering illness and defects? I wrestled with these verse and cried out to the Lord for understanding. 

And then, one day, I was reading the break down of that word wonderful in the original language and I read this-- that wonderful can also be translated, "distinct, marked out, separated, distinguished." My breath caught in my throat and tears welled up in my eyes--this is the meaning of wonderful!? Not wonderful the way we mean it--"I had a wonderful time," "That was a wonderful meal"--we often interchange wonderful for good or great when it really means so much more than that.
God counts our being as wonderful not because of outward perfection or goddness but because He has made each one of us distinct and marked out with a purpose. Two verses later we read, "in Your book were written, every one of them,the days that were formed for me." The Lord who knows the very hairs on our heads, knows the number of our days and He makes them wonderful no matter how many or how few because they are marked out for us.

Safety and Encouragement.

A week ago I had the awesome privilege to spend time with my favorite group of teens in the Allegheny Mountains for our youth group retreat. The weekend was filled with fun, and food and sweet fellowship. We heard amazing messages from the Word and grew in our relationships with the Lord and with each other. 

For me one of the sweetest times was as we went up to the ropes course at camp. I have been up there a bunch of times and though it had been years I have done a lot of the events. But as the Lord would have it our leader took us to an event that I had never even seen before. It was a series of wires strung between three or four trees and only about a foot or so off the ground. The idea is that, with your group spotting you on either side you use some heavy ropes to help balance yourself and you walk those tight ropes.Easy, right? Well, so it looked as the first few teens stepped up to the challenge. It was neat to hear their friends cheer them on as they went. But as time went on, suddenly I realized that our facilitator meant to get us all up there if he could and then I immediately began to squirm. I am not good with heights. I only ice skate if I can hold hands with someone because I am afraid of falling so even a foot off the ground is intimidating. And then, to have all eyes on me, forget it! I usually avoid situations where I have to be the center of attention. But as each of the kids successfully completed the course, I knew I couldn't put it off much longer. So when the teens called my name, I didn't protest but went to the starting point. I think that it was quickly obvious that I was scared out of my mind, as their chatter got too loud and I snapped at them to "Knock it off!"  And then as I moved one foot in front of the other I started to be able to hear their words. "Take care of her. This is precious cargo!" I heard Stacey say. "You got this, Megs," another voice broke through my fear. I looked down at my feet a lot, but when I looked up I saw the faces of people that love me and the fears eased. 

When we were all done (and, yes, I made it to the end without falling off) we gathered to debrief. We talked about what we had learned--about each other, about life, and faith and this journey that we are on together. And as I reflected on my experience, being the one with all eyes fixed on me, it hit me--having all eyes on me was not a bad thing. I have in my life been in situations like this before. Situations where, like this one, I have feared failure--not being good enough, or brave enough, or smart enough, or strong enough. I have focused on those around me assuming that they will be disappointed or angry or lack understanding if I fall. But as I thought back to my time on that wire--I realized that the people who were surrounding me had one purpose: my safety and my encouragement. Their goal was to keep me from falling, and if I did fall, make sure that I fell safely, and to encourage me to keep moving, to keep doing what I was sure I couldn't do!

Safety and Encouragement! Wow! What a thought! As we watch our fellow Christians is that our goal? Are we looking out for their best interests? If we can be the kind of Christ followers who are known by their love then this walk becomes full of grace not full of fear. If we remember that it is not about always getting it right but knowing Who to call when we fall, we will live in the freedom that is ours in Jesus Christ. 

For His Glory and Our Good

This morning I read the story from John 9 of the man blind from birth. I read the familiar question of the disciples, "Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" And Jesus answers with the familiar words, "It was not this man that sinned, nor his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."

I wrestled with these words. I want a world where disease and illness are no more; where babies are born whole and without defect, where tragedy and accident are no more. And then to consider that this very thing that looks like tragedy, feels like heartache, is the vessel of the glory of God revealed...

How to take this in? How to surrender to the God who is always sovereign and always good when I don't always understand that power or that goodness?

I was mulling this over all morning as I went to spend time with a family who recently welcomed their second baby. As we stood in the playground watching her almost three-year-old run around, she remarked to me that she couldn't wait til the infant she was holding was big enough to play with his brother. She told me how her mother's heart would break in the waiting before that second child was born as she watched her firstborn play by himself. How she ached for him to have a brother or sister to be his companion and friend. And how when she had that second baby and they brought him home her firstborn son rebelled and quickly asked when that baby was going back to his house. She told me how she knew that having a brother would be so good for her firstborn but how it wasn't easy. 

And then I glimpsed a bit more of the heart of our good God--a God who we know does not "willingly afflict or grieve the children of men (Lamentations 3:33)." With His Father's heart he aches for us to have what is good--but we often, like my friend's son, react by wanting to give the gift back. We want what is easy and not what is best. He knows the things that He has allowed to come our way are working together for our good and He simply asks us to trust His love just as my friend asks her firstborn son to trust her love for him. Just as the mother's love is not lessened for one when then second is born, our Father's love is not changed by our circumstances either. 

Lord may I receive with Thankful Trust whatever You allow into my life "that the works of God might be displayed in" me.