I don't know the way

Recently I have been listening to a lot of Andrew Peterson's music and today I can't get the song "Holy is the Lord" out of my head or heart. 

The song is the story of Abraham's journey up the mountain to offer his son as a sacrifice. I recently heard Andrew perform this song live at a concert and he pointed out that unlike the rest of us, Abraham did not know how the story was going to end. We know from the book of Hebrews that Abraham trusted that God was able to raise Isaac from the dead--but even with that trust the journey up the mountain must have been heart-wrenching. 

I've been thinking a lot about this story --the journey up the mountain that we are all on. I don't know how my story, or anyone else's story is going to end here on this earth. I know, like Abraham, that my God will raise the dead, and take us home to heaven. But in the midst of the struggles and the sorrows of life, I don't know how the story will end. 

I feel like Abraham, called to make a sacrifice--mine may not be a tangible one, but it is precious nonetheless. And like the words of that song--written as though from Abraham's heart, I too sing, 

"Holy is the Lord, 

Holy is the Lord, 

and the Lord I will obey. 

Lord,Help me I don't know the way." 

I don't know the way--I don't know how to even surrender this sacrifice. And then I am reminded that on that Mountain the Lord was first called, Jehovah Jireh--the God who provides, or another paraphrase--The God who Sees to it. The Lord God is able to provide a way for me to lay it down; if I will just obey. 

Lord-- you are the God who sees to it. Lord I pray that You would provide the means and the grace for surrender. 

Perfect Love

1 John 4:18a "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."

I have often struggled with this verse---because I am a fear-filled person. I often feel like my anxieties take on a life of their own and run away, dragging me along. 

So if Jesus's perfect Love casts out fear--why do I struggle so? 

I don't think that I have fully arrived at an answer but I do think that it is at least partially because I fail to recognize the fullness of the love that He has for me.

A Love--that seeks to draw me--orchestrating every message I hear, every blog that I read, every word that is said--so that I hear His voice-- so that I hear Him call. (Acts 17)

A Love--that sends His servants to be the hands and feet of His love here on earth--so that even in the hardest moments when I feel alone and forgotten He holds me close in the tangible arms of the body of Christ.

A Love--that does not expect me to be perfect--(though I often think it does)--that forgives me and gives me grace beyond what I can comprehend. 

A Love-- that made me--formed me in my mother's womb--fearfully and wonderfully made --marked out for a purpose before time began. 

A Love--that deigns to use me to speak and show His love--that "all earth may know!" 

Romans 8:32 "He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?"

In the storm

The last few weeks have been tough. I have felt so weighed down by the devastation caused by sin in this world. I have cried out a lot of "Why God?" questions and I have wrestled with these things. 

It can be hard, if not impossible to understand the intersection of the sovereignty and the goodness of God when we look at the hurt and the pain all around us. But as I was wrestling with these things--the Sovereign Lord allowed a simple Wednesday evening message to speak His goodness to my heart. 

We were studying Acts, but the verse that caught my eye--and spoke directly to my heart was one little cross reference was in Mark 6--Jesus's disciples are in a boat crossing the sea of Galilee and a storm comes up against them--it actually says that "they were making headway painfully." Isn't that often how this life feels--like making headway painfully? For every step forward it's two steps back. But then the Lord Jesus comes and He says, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." Then the storm is calmed. 

The thought that the Lord brought to my mind that night was this---"Do you trust more in the Lord who never allows a storm or the Lord who is present with you in the midst of the storm?" 

The reality is that when we have periods of calm--we quickly forget the Lord who is with us always. But in the midst of life's storms we take heart in realizing the presence of the One who says, "It is I. Do not be afraid." 

It is also interesting to note that the Lord calmed their hearts before He calmed the sea--He may not always calm the storm right away but He calms His child in the storm. 

So, Lord Jesus, I pray that I would see You in the storms--that I would recognize Your presence with me and that I would take heart.Help me to remember that the gift of Your presence is a far greater gift than any escape from earthly circumstances. 

Fasting for Lent

My heart is often drawn to Isaiah 58 during Lent, at least in the last few years, as I have come to appreciate Lent for what it should be--40 days to prepare our hearts for the greatest celebration of our most precious HOPE the GLORIOUS RESURRECTION of the LORD Jesus Christ! 

Isaiah 58 always seems to put Lenten fasting in its proper perspective. 

I will not fast from food, as I know my heart would treat that like dieting--putting the focus back on me. So many of the things that I considered giving up only seem to smack of legalism and trying to be good enough on my own--and I need to learn more of His grace. 

So this Lent, I will not give up anything, except perhaps by default, as I seek to add in more time with my Savior, and more service to His people. I want this Lent to draw me close to the Lord Jesus, to cause my heart to overflow with His grace, and to learn to show His love to those who walk this journey alongside me. 

"And the Lord will guide you continually

    and satisfy your desire in scorched places

    and make your bones strong;

and you shall be like a watered garden,

    like a spring of water,

    whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11