I heard the voice of Jesus say

Sometimes Sunday mornings are hard. Yesterday's dawned bright and clear but for me it was dark and dismal. I wrestled with anxiety, fear and guilt as I prepared to come to the Lord's Supper. I felt like a failure. Rather than being able to rejoice in the grace and truth that are mine in the Lord Jesus, I swirled in the pit of guilt. Tears of frustration filled my eyes as I cried out to the Lord to free me from these lies of failure and worthlessness. As these thoughts plagued me I struggled to worship, but towards the end of the morning I lifted my voice to joyfully sing the truths that I knew to be real, despite my feelings. When I did I noticed that my joyful noise was disturbing the person in front of me and my heart sunk and the tears began to roll again. 

I came to the preaching service with discouragement and fear reigning in my heart. I took my seat and, with courage I did not think I had, sang of His great love to us. 

The sermon, rather than being a heady exposition on end times that I was expecting (dreading, if I am quite honest), was a continuation of the week before, looking at what we have in Christ as His new creation. 

The sermon opened with this hymn: "I heard the voice of Jesus say." 

And the first verse jumped out at me, 

"I heard the voice of Jesus say,

"Come unto to me and rest," 

Lay down, thou weary one, lay down

Thy head upon My breast.”
I came to Jesus as I was,
Weary and worn and sad;
I found in Him a resting place,
And He has made me glad."

The preacher said that the Lord has given us rest from three things: Rest from guilt, rest from the work of self-righteousness, and rest from the vices of sin. 

My breath caught when I heard the first thing that we have rest from---that had been my struggle all morning long! And when I heard the preacher's next words I knew that the Living, Loving God was speaking directly to me. He said "Satan tries to get us often at our most holy moments during the Lord's Supper." The Lord knew that I needed to know that my struggle with guilt and the resulting anxieties were part of a battle, not just one more thing that I had failed at. Recognizing that there is a battle going on--one that our Lord has already won, is a great encouragement to me. 

Tears of joy filled my eyes, but the Living God was not done speaking to my heart. The service ended and the brother that was sitting behind me reached over and laid a hand on my arm. He said, "I just wanted to tell you what a joy it is to hear you sing." My eyes nearly flooded again as I thanked him. He did not know how much I needed to hear that after having my song silenced earlier that morning, but the Lord Jesus knew. 

So often Lord, forgive me, but I doubt Your love. Thank you for these small reminders that "He who did not spare His own Son, how shall He not with Him freely give us all things?" Romans 8:32. Help me to trust Your love all of my days.