Letting go.

Sometimes I want so badly to let go but I feel like someone who have been gripping the rope of control for so long that my fingers are frozen in place and I cry out, "Lord, help me! I don't even know how to let go." Because it is more than words-- it is my life. I can say with my lips "I surrender," but if I cling tightly to that rope of control I am a liar. 

I was reading about Jacob this week. Jacob who fought for his own control despite even at times knowing God's plan for his life. I mean, I imagine, knowing Rebekah favoritism toward Jacob, that she told him of the prophecy of God: "the older shall serve the younger." But it wasn't enough for Jacob to know that God had ordained that to be. He has to take matters into his own hands, and has to first steal his brother's birthright and then deceitfully take his brother's blessing. And nothing changes as Jacob gets older. When, after years of separation, he is faced with seeing his brother Esau again, what does he do? Does he pray and seek the Lord's guidance? No, he plots and plans and again takes matters into his own hands. I know that all to often that is my way as well. I, either out of forgetfulness, or out of pride, or out of fear, barge ahead to correct, control, arrange difficulties according to my way without first consulting the Father. 

And then in the middle of that we have what seems like this random story in the middle of Jacob going to meet Esau. Jacob is alone and a Man comes and wrestles with him. Kind of weird, right? But note two things, Jacob gets a new name--Israel, which can be translated "God rules"  and Jacob is broken in the strongest part of his body. 

You see, Jacob is in the middle of this really crazy, scary situation and whether it is because of arrogance or fear or forgetfulness, he has disregarded God. And so God stops him in his tracks and God gives him a new name. Israel--God rules, a names that would forever remind Jacob, and his people Who sat on the throne and who was in control of all things. And God breaks Jacob in the strongest muscle of the body--taking away any thought that he had some power in and of himself and permanently leaving a reminder of his weakness and God's mighty power!

And so I am reminded that it is in my weakness that He is strong. I am His "workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them (Ephesians 2:10)." And the verses right before that tell me I saved by grace alone! The Christian life is not this frantic struggle to "get it right" and to somehow please God. The Christian life is simply trusting in Christ alone and walking with Him. 

As it says on an old-school camp t-shirt 

"Breaking thru the darkness, Jesus is the Light!."

Lord, may these truths sink deep in my heart, that as I write them I would let go and rest in You alone! May Your Spirit guide my footsteps and may Your name be glorified in my life!