With you

Tonight for some reason I was thinking about my earliest days as a new nurse at Highland Hospital. I was young; I was green; and I knew it. Early on in my nursing career I had my first panic attack--as the weight of all that I was responsible for weighed down on me and crushed the breath right from me. 

There were two things that loosed the grip of that crushing choke hold of fear--prayer and Judy O. 

My dear mama would get up with me before every day shift--at 5:30am we would sit on the love seat and commit my day and my patients to the Lord who alone truly held their life and breath. I learned to trust and to let go in those early morning hours before the throne of grace (and Oh Lord! I need to learn that lesson again)! 

The other thing that eased my fears was Judy O. She was a great nurse and she had been a nurse longer than I had been alive. Anytime I walked on the floor and saw Judy there taking report I would breath easier and would feel the weight on my shoulders lessen because I knew that nothing would happen to me or to my patients while Judy was there. She was everything that I was not--she was experienced--I had none. She was competent--I was learning. She was confident--I was insecure.

As I thought about that tonight I thought of a verse that I found today, "For I am the Lord your God who takes your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

Just as the physical presence of my co-worker eased my fears because of all that she was capable of--how much more should the continual, unfailing presence of the Lord ease my fears. For everything that I am incapable of--He is able. I can't love without Him--He is love. I am full of pride--He teaches me humility. I can't be good, or brave or kind--He is the One who clothes me in His righteousness, whose love drives out my fears, and who teaches me compassion.