Thanks!

46. brothers who humor me even when I am asking them to admire my shoes
47. Perfectly orchestrated days--"You knew this day long before you made me out of dirt"
48. Homemade Philly cheesesteak
49. telemedicine with my brother :)
50. that even the darkness is as light to Him
51. hugs from Grace
52. Bible Study with young and not-so-young
53. having enough
54. sore muscles
55. nights cool enough for corn bags and sweaters
56. Glasses of water everywhere--because that's where I leave them :)
57. unexpected grace
58. A dad and a little brother who sounds more like him every day who remind me to speak well and "keep my tongue from evil."
59. Pippin
60. sitting close on the couch
61. good chats with my little brother on the way home
62. the smell of wood smoke in the air
64. Donut Fridays
65. Taste of Texas--fried green tomatoes and Lone Star Turkey!!
66. Snuggles with my kiddos 
67. Communicating with hand gestures and wild facial expressions

Keep counting

29. For an amazing day hiking with my brothers
30. For the change of seasons
31. Fall leaves
32. Waterfalls
33. Poetry that says what I cannot say myself
34. the Hand of the Lord
35. Chats in the car
36. Dinner with the family
37. movies with friends
38. hugs from Emmy
39. the graciousness of teenagers
40. good book finds
41. Music played by "my" kids
42. fall flavors--cranberry white chocolate scones
43. Tea
44. flowers-- red and yellow
45. little kids who make me laugh

thank yous

Counting blessings... Ann Voskamp says, shows you Who can be counted on. 
Needing to remind my heart of that tonight

16. Thankful for Donut Fridays--bringing joy in the form of sweet treats
17. Gifts well received
18. a special smile from a special kiddo
19. getting to read to one of my precious little ones. 
20. getting to hear about how a friend earned a kindness link by offering a hug!
21. Being wished a "poop-free friday!"
22. getting to work with my sister
23. taking a lunch break
24. Being able to help my mom--do the dishes, make dessert and bring her flowers
25. pizza with the family
26. grace freely given
27. Blue-Grass Sings the Best of Disney sing-a-longs! 
28. That "You knew this day long before you made me out of dirt."

Starting again

So, yes, here I am, starting again with my list of One Thousand Gifts... I have never gotten past 400 but I want to do this--to count the way the Lord God loves me! so here I am again..

I am reminded of that song "A thousand times I failed, still your mercy remains..." Or that one by Rend Collective, "Countless Second Chances"

I am Thankful that is the God we serve--the God of Countless Second Chances.

1. Getting to hold my precious Emmy tonight
2. Talking with my dearest friends
3. Hugs
4. Laughter
5. Yummy dinner that my momma made (Moroccan Chicken)
6. Pie from Morgan
7. Listening to my dad passionately defend the truth of the Word of God
8. Prayer time with the church body
9. Being truly seen
10. Notes from friends
11. Invitations to celebrate joy with others
12. Hot showers and anti-bacterial soap--sometimes regular soap just doesn't cut it. 
13. watching the joy that a child brings to everyone around them
14. Getting to spend time with a precious little one --reading When Bear Gets Sick :)
15. Caedmon's Call--for putting words and music to the cries of my heart

The Touch of the Master's Hand, by Myra Brooks Welch.

For my youth group kids, you are loved more than you can imagine and I love to see how the touch of the Master's hand is growing and changing you! 

Wrestling

Anxiety is a monster
It eats away at me
there's tension building inside
Hidden so you can't see

I sit and try to unwind
My muscles grow sore
I've felt it before
It goes straight to the core

My head starts to pound
I start at each sound
My heart keeps pace
its starting to race

I can't get away
What can I say
I wish I could rest
but I want to give you my best

How to let go?
Does somebody know?
I open my hands
I offer my heart
Lord take me apart

Apart--this anxiety wears me out
I'm coming to pieces
from the fear and the doubt

Apart--"Come apart and rest,"
"I've given you My Best."
"Come you who are weary
Whose load is heavy
Whose way is dreary"

I am starting to see
Its not at all about me
I turn and I bend
I cry out to My Friend!

Lord, I can't
And You don't tell me I can
Instead You whisper, "Lean on Me, my child,
I'll carry you til the end."

(probably not my best work--but in the spirit of transparency--both of my imperfect writing and my struggle with anxiety, here it is)

Seen

I have been reading the story of the woman with the issue of blood recently and some new and wonderful thoughts struck me. 

It is the story of a woman whose medical condition left her ostracized, alone, penniless, and unseen. She was considered unclean according to Jewish law and so would have been unlikely to have much human contact and certainly no one would touch her lest they too become unclean. She had spent all her available funds seeking medical attention that had failed her. She was completely without hope. 

And then one day Jesus comes to town. She comes up behind Him in the midst of a large crowd and touches His garment believing that touch alone can heal her. Jesus immediately knows that "power has gone out from Him" and asks "who touched me?"

And then the word of God shows us a precious thing. It says next, "And when the woman saw that she was not hidden." That she was not hidden. The Matthew account says "Jesus turned and seeing her." 

I am so overwhelmed and so thankful that we are not hidden from Him. He sees us as we really are and love us just the same. He sees our heartache, He sees our pain. Sometimes He touches and heals. Sometimes He weeps with us. But either way He is always the God who sees.