The Risk of Love

I don't know if I can even full express the thought that has been running through my head the last few days. I have been thinking about Advent, and preparing my heart to celebrate His birth, and marveling that He came. 

I mean, to think that the God of the universe--the Creator and Sustainer of all that we see would stoop to come to earth as a newborn baby--to live and die for me is amazing! 

But then it struck me--even before He created us He knew that He would have to send His Son to die. The all-knowing God, knew full well that His creation would rebel and sin and that the only way to restore that relationship would be to send His Beloved Son to the cross. And He created us anyways. 

So when life seems hard, and He seems far away, trust in the unfailing love of a God who loved us so much that He would rather send His Son to die for us than not even create us in the first place. The God who loves us so much that He created us, knit us together in our mother's womb and relentlessly pursues His lost creation to bring them back to Him. 

Oh what a love!

I am the Resurrection

 John 11: 17b- 27 "So when Jesus came, He found that he had already been in the tomb four days. 18 Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles away. 19 And many of the Jews had joined the women around Martha and Mary, to comfort them concerning their brother.

20 Now Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met Him, but Mary was sitting in the house. 21 Now Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.”

23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

24 Martha said to Him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”

25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. 26 And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?”

27 She said to Him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

I had been thinking lately about The Lord's interaction with Martha when Lazarus dies and she say's to the Lord,  " I know he'll be raised on the last day." The Lord's response puzzled me for a long time because what He says sounds like a correction even though what she said is true. He says, " I am the resurrection and the Life.... Do you believe this?" Martha doesn't know that He is about to raise her brother from the dead and so her hope is in the future resurrection of the dead; the hope that we believers also share. So why does the Lord seem to be correcting her and what is it that she, and so often we, fail to understand? It struck me that the message for all of us is the first two words, "I am." Not I was or I will be but I am. When we stand weeping at the grave of one we love we can know that although to us their resurrection seems to be a future event to the One who always is it is already done--That is why He says, "whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die."

Whatever is true

For the last few days I haven't been able to get those three little words out of my head..."Whatever is true..."

They are the first few words in Paul's reminder to us to think on "Whatever is true, honorable, just, etc..." in Philippians 4:8. 

That verse often seems like a tag-on at the end of an amazing book--I have often thought as I read the last chapter of Philippians that it seems like a series of postscripts rather than a cohesive thought. But this time as I thought about it I changed my mind. 

Paul starts chapter 4 with an exhortation to two women with rather unpronounceable names who could be anyone of us. Two women who are not getting along despite their otherwise faithful service in the Lord.

It struck me as I read the first few verses and then verse 8 that perhaps there was more of a thought flow here than I originally gave Paul credit for--many of our disagreements and difficulties with fellow believers come because we fail to follow instruction number 1--"Whatever is true--" Instead, we draw conclusions, and make assumptions and assign motive to behavior-- instead of meditating only on the truth.

How many of our difficulties with other Christians would come to a screeching halt if we stopped telling ourselves a story and instead listened to their story? 

Sara Groves puts it beautifully in her song, It's all right here,

"Every heart has so much history

It's my favorite place to start

Sit down a while and share your narrative with me

I'm not afraid of who you are"

Redeeming Love

David--who was the Shepherd-king, 

sought for one whom he cared to bring

--dispelling shame, 

he called for Mephibosheth by name. 

David took him from the desert bare

And brought him in to have no care

David showered him with love and grace

At the King's table was now His place

Likewise Jesus--our great shepherd-king

seeks your heart that He might bring

the lonely, sin-sick, lost one dear

In love He came, to draw You near

He brought me poor, though I am

and carried me home, His little lamb

I am thankful for the love He shares

As on Him now I cast my cares

I heard the voice of Jesus say

Sometimes Sunday mornings are hard. Yesterday's dawned bright and clear but for me it was dark and dismal. I wrestled with anxiety, fear and guilt as I prepared to come to the Lord's Supper. I felt like a failure. Rather than being able to rejoice in the grace and truth that are mine in the Lord Jesus, I swirled in the pit of guilt. Tears of frustration filled my eyes as I cried out to the Lord to free me from these lies of failure and worthlessness. As these thoughts plagued me I struggled to worship, but towards the end of the morning I lifted my voice to joyfully sing the truths that I knew to be real, despite my feelings. When I did I noticed that my joyful noise was disturbing the person in front of me and my heart sunk and the tears began to roll again. 

I came to the preaching service with discouragement and fear reigning in my heart. I took my seat and, with courage I did not think I had, sang of His great love to us. 

The sermon, rather than being a heady exposition on end times that I was expecting (dreading, if I am quite honest), was a continuation of the week before, looking at what we have in Christ as His new creation. 

The sermon opened with this hymn: "I heard the voice of Jesus say." 

And the first verse jumped out at me, 

"I heard the voice of Jesus say,

"Come unto to me and rest," 

Lay down, thou weary one, lay down

Thy head upon My breast.”
I came to Jesus as I was,
Weary and worn and sad;
I found in Him a resting place,
And He has made me glad."

The preacher said that the Lord has given us rest from three things: Rest from guilt, rest from the work of self-righteousness, and rest from the vices of sin. 

My breath caught when I heard the first thing that we have rest from---that had been my struggle all morning long! And when I heard the preacher's next words I knew that the Living, Loving God was speaking directly to me. He said "Satan tries to get us often at our most holy moments during the Lord's Supper." The Lord knew that I needed to know that my struggle with guilt and the resulting anxieties were part of a battle, not just one more thing that I had failed at. Recognizing that there is a battle going on--one that our Lord has already won, is a great encouragement to me. 

Tears of joy filled my eyes, but the Living God was not done speaking to my heart. The service ended and the brother that was sitting behind me reached over and laid a hand on my arm. He said, "I just wanted to tell you what a joy it is to hear you sing." My eyes nearly flooded again as I thanked him. He did not know how much I needed to hear that after having my song silenced earlier that morning, but the Lord Jesus knew. 

So often Lord, forgive me, but I doubt Your love. Thank you for these small reminders that "He who did not spare His own Son, how shall He not with Him freely give us all things?" Romans 8:32. Help me to trust Your love all of my days.

Grace in the mess

Tonight around the dinner table we were talking about unconditional love. You know that kind of super natural love that only comes from God and allows you to love others even in the midst of the mess. I started thinking about how that love gets reflected in everyday relationships and I thought of this story. 

About a week ago my little brother came home from college to spend Easter weekend with us and celebrate his birthday which happened to fall on his break. We had a bunch of his friends over and with the leadership of my dad, the mastermind chef, we were putting together a great meal. 

Due to some quantity issues and some last minute adjustments my dad asked me to whip up some stir fry sauce. It was getting close to the time that everything else was ready and so I started to get flustered and hurry. I was dumping things in and feeling sorry for myself that no one was helping me as I got more and more anxious about getting the sauce done "in time." I couldn't find one of the ingredients, chicken broth, and when I did it was in a 32 oz can and all I needed was a quarter cup. It was the last thing to go in and I quickly tried to pour it in only to succeed in pouring it all over the table and the floor. I exploded a little then myself and starting banging things around in my frustration, and complaining out-loud now that I didn't have anyone helping me. 

Instead of telling me to snap out of it (which I would have deserved), or to stop blaming others for your spills and mistakes (which I also would have deserved), my sister & brother stepped over and gently took over my sauce-making disaster. My brother stirred up the sauce and my sister wiped up the mess. 

When I took a deep breath and turned to apologize, I kissed my sister and said,  "Thank you for cleaning up my mess." They both looked me in the eye and said "We love you, Megs." 

It struck me today that that is how Christ loves us. He wants us to ask for help, but even when we don't and we make a mess of things, He steps in to clean it up and to redeem even our mistakes. And why? Because He loves us. He did not choose us because our great might or strength, He chose us because He loves us. He is not surprised when we fail, nor does His grace ever find an end. He loves us even in the mess!

Learning to give thanks

I told a story yesterday to a friend of mine and I think that it bears repeating. 

Last year in my first year as a school nurse I met a student who touched my life. He was what school nurses refer to as a frequent flyer and came to see me nearly every day with some concern. These physical needs were simply a cover for what became obvious to me as a need to feel connected and to be cared for. He was always polite, and never disrespectful and I grew to really enjoy seeing his smiling face and hearing the oft repeated request, "Can I have some vaseline for my lips?" 

Towards the end of the year I was informed that on field days it would be my job to hand out ice-pops to ward off dehydration. In the course of two days I would hand out nearly 500 ice-pops to the kids as they ran from station to station. The first day--grades k-2 went very well. The kids sat down, and they listened to my instructions as I explained that there was to be no special requests for a particular color or flavor, that they would just have to "get what they get."  Each class thanked me--corporately and individually and moved on to their next activity. The second day didn't go so well. The older students--grades 3-5, were picky, and their time with me was chaotic. They didn't listen to my direction and complained if they didn't get the ice-pop they wanted. It was not such a fun day. 

Part way though that crazy day, my "frequent flyer" came with his class for their turn at the rest station. I tried to explain that they couldn't choose their flavor but no one was listening and I gave up trying. I was handing out ice-pops as fast as I could when my friend stopped in front of me and asked if he could have a blue one. I sighed a little and explained for the umpteenth time that day, that "I'm sorry but I can't let people pick their flavor, its too hard with so many kids." I handed him a pink one and he started to turn away, but then he stopped. He paused, and looked me in the eye and said, "Thank you very much, Miss G.," and turned and walked away. 

It was all I could do not to cry on the spot. I saw him later and told him how proud I was of him that he had made the choice to be thankful even when he did not get what he wanted. 

What a precious lesson to learn! I pray that I would learn the same. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks for this is the will of God, in Christ Jesus for you."  Give thanks in EVERYTHING. That leaves no room for an ungrateful heart no matter what life may bring. Lord Jesus, may I like Paul learn to be content in all circumstances. 

Communication

This past week I have been thinking a lot about communication--how we do it, how to do it well, and how if Jesus is our life then even our communication should be filled with His grace and truth. 

At the same time I have felt my heart drawn to the gospels because although all of Scripture is God-breathed and IS profitable, in the four gospels we have something very precious--glimpses of the days that the King of Glory walked this earth! He interacted with other people--He communicated His truth to human hearts. He responded to numerous requests. He entered into discussion that was not always easy or well received. 

So what does looking at the life of Jesus teach us about how we communicate with one another? Here are just a few thoughts from John 1.

1)"The Word became flesh and dwelt among us." --Communication can only happen in community. Just as Jesus came and dwelt among us we must dwell with those that we are called to love. 

2) Jesus' first question for the disciples who followed Him was "What are you seeking?" --He cut to the heart of their desire, drawing them out to consider their need. 

3). His next words were "Come and see." --an invitation to life together. We show love, we demonstrate Christ only in allowing others to enter in and see Him whom we love and serve. There is vulnerability require to invite someone to join the journey.

4) Jesus renamed Peter--and it struck me that He also renames us and allows us to take part in the renaming process in each others lives. We hear the world, and the flesh, tell us that our name is Failure, Loser, Unlovable, Unforgivable. But Jesus gives us a new name--Redeemed, Beloved, Precious, Forgiven and He ask us to join Him in calling our brothers and sisters by their new name--lest we forget!

5) Jesus shows grace even to the ungraceful. --When the Lord calls Nathanael through Philip, Nathanael responds bluntly, and perhaps with a bit of judgmental-ism, and cynicism--"Can any good thing come out of Nazareth." And yet when Jesus meets him He says, "Behold an Israelite in whom there is no guile." If I was Jesus I would have had something very different to say to Nathanael but Jesus shows him grace and even speaks good of Nathanael. 

6) The last verse of the chapter finds Jesus bluntly revealing who He is--and that struck me because I always that thought that Jesus waited until closer to the cross to start revealing His person and His plan to the disciples but clearly here He states that He is the Son of Man--the way to heaven. Likewise we should be transparent with one another and we should pray that the Lord would allow us to be a part of revealing Him to the hurting, broken, lost world around us. 

As a post-script to this-- I realized after I wrote it and was thinking about it for a while that the beauty here is that this is also our model for how to fulfill the Great Commission. This is how our Lord made disciples and what better model can we follow!

I don't know the way

Recently I have been listening to a lot of Andrew Peterson's music and today I can't get the song "Holy is the Lord" out of my head or heart. 

The song is the story of Abraham's journey up the mountain to offer his son as a sacrifice. I recently heard Andrew perform this song live at a concert and he pointed out that unlike the rest of us, Abraham did not know how the story was going to end. We know from the book of Hebrews that Abraham trusted that God was able to raise Isaac from the dead--but even with that trust the journey up the mountain must have been heart-wrenching. 

I've been thinking a lot about this story --the journey up the mountain that we are all on. I don't know how my story, or anyone else's story is going to end here on this earth. I know, like Abraham, that my God will raise the dead, and take us home to heaven. But in the midst of the struggles and the sorrows of life, I don't know how the story will end. 

I feel like Abraham, called to make a sacrifice--mine may not be a tangible one, but it is precious nonetheless. And like the words of that song--written as though from Abraham's heart, I too sing, 

"Holy is the Lord, 

Holy is the Lord, 

and the Lord I will obey. 

Lord,Help me I don't know the way." 

I don't know the way--I don't know how to even surrender this sacrifice. And then I am reminded that on that Mountain the Lord was first called, Jehovah Jireh--the God who provides, or another paraphrase--The God who Sees to it. The Lord God is able to provide a way for me to lay it down; if I will just obey. 

Lord-- you are the God who sees to it. Lord I pray that You would provide the means and the grace for surrender. 

Perfect Love

1 John 4:18a "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."

I have often struggled with this verse---because I am a fear-filled person. I often feel like my anxieties take on a life of their own and run away, dragging me along. 

So if Jesus's perfect Love casts out fear--why do I struggle so? 

I don't think that I have fully arrived at an answer but I do think that it is at least partially because I fail to recognize the fullness of the love that He has for me.

A Love--that seeks to draw me--orchestrating every message I hear, every blog that I read, every word that is said--so that I hear His voice-- so that I hear Him call. (Acts 17)

A Love--that sends His servants to be the hands and feet of His love here on earth--so that even in the hardest moments when I feel alone and forgotten He holds me close in the tangible arms of the body of Christ.

A Love--that does not expect me to be perfect--(though I often think it does)--that forgives me and gives me grace beyond what I can comprehend. 

A Love-- that made me--formed me in my mother's womb--fearfully and wonderfully made --marked out for a purpose before time began. 

A Love--that deigns to use me to speak and show His love--that "all earth may know!" 

Romans 8:32 "He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?"

In the storm

The last few weeks have been tough. I have felt so weighed down by the devastation caused by sin in this world. I have cried out a lot of "Why God?" questions and I have wrestled with these things. 

It can be hard, if not impossible to understand the intersection of the sovereignty and the goodness of God when we look at the hurt and the pain all around us. But as I was wrestling with these things--the Sovereign Lord allowed a simple Wednesday evening message to speak His goodness to my heart. 

We were studying Acts, but the verse that caught my eye--and spoke directly to my heart was one little cross reference was in Mark 6--Jesus's disciples are in a boat crossing the sea of Galilee and a storm comes up against them--it actually says that "they were making headway painfully." Isn't that often how this life feels--like making headway painfully? For every step forward it's two steps back. But then the Lord Jesus comes and He says, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." Then the storm is calmed. 

The thought that the Lord brought to my mind that night was this---"Do you trust more in the Lord who never allows a storm or the Lord who is present with you in the midst of the storm?" 

The reality is that when we have periods of calm--we quickly forget the Lord who is with us always. But in the midst of life's storms we take heart in realizing the presence of the One who says, "It is I. Do not be afraid." 

It is also interesting to note that the Lord calmed their hearts before He calmed the sea--He may not always calm the storm right away but He calms His child in the storm. 

So, Lord Jesus, I pray that I would see You in the storms--that I would recognize Your presence with me and that I would take heart.Help me to remember that the gift of Your presence is a far greater gift than any escape from earthly circumstances. 

Fasting for Lent

My heart is often drawn to Isaiah 58 during Lent, at least in the last few years, as I have come to appreciate Lent for what it should be--40 days to prepare our hearts for the greatest celebration of our most precious HOPE the GLORIOUS RESURRECTION of the LORD Jesus Christ! 

Isaiah 58 always seems to put Lenten fasting in its proper perspective. 

I will not fast from food, as I know my heart would treat that like dieting--putting the focus back on me. So many of the things that I considered giving up only seem to smack of legalism and trying to be good enough on my own--and I need to learn more of His grace. 

So this Lent, I will not give up anything, except perhaps by default, as I seek to add in more time with my Savior, and more service to His people. I want this Lent to draw me close to the Lord Jesus, to cause my heart to overflow with His grace, and to learn to show His love to those who walk this journey alongside me. 

"And the Lord will guide you continually

    and satisfy your desire in scorched places

    and make your bones strong;

and you shall be like a watered garden,

    like a spring of water,

    whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11

Serving your Ultimate Master

Tonight I was thinking about a lesson I learned back in high school and one that I think I need to learn again---

My Junior year in high school I had two teachers that I really had a hard time with. One was my choir director--she had a tendency to scream and yell when we weren't doing what she wanted and it made me start to dread chorus. The other was my European history teacher--he was a bad teacher and I was a smart enough kid to be annoyed and upset by it. 

For a while I went to both classes with a chip on my shoulder--I would sing in chorus but without any joy--I either lived in fear that she would yell or in anger because she did. And I did nothing but complain about European history. 

Then one day something changed. I don't remember if someone said something to me, or if I read something in my quiet time that reminded me, or if it was just the still small voice of the Lord reminding me of what I already knew--

"Remember Who you serve."

That little phrase whispered to my heart, totally changed my perspective. I went to chorus and sang my heart out--because after all--were we not created to worship our Creator--and part of that is using the gifts that He has given us! I went to European history and listened and learned and was challenged by my relationships with the other students. 

My daily grind of school work took on whole new meaning as I daily was reminded that I was there to bring honor and glory to the Lord Jesus--not to please a teacher, get a good grade, or make someone like me. 

The last part of Colossians 3 is paraphrased this way in the Message and I think it says it well.

"And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.  Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ."

With you

Tonight for some reason I was thinking about my earliest days as a new nurse at Highland Hospital. I was young; I was green; and I knew it. Early on in my nursing career I had my first panic attack--as the weight of all that I was responsible for weighed down on me and crushed the breath right from me. 

There were two things that loosed the grip of that crushing choke hold of fear--prayer and Judy O. 

My dear mama would get up with me before every day shift--at 5:30am we would sit on the love seat and commit my day and my patients to the Lord who alone truly held their life and breath. I learned to trust and to let go in those early morning hours before the throne of grace (and Oh Lord! I need to learn that lesson again)! 

The other thing that eased my fears was Judy O. She was a great nurse and she had been a nurse longer than I had been alive. Anytime I walked on the floor and saw Judy there taking report I would breath easier and would feel the weight on my shoulders lessen because I knew that nothing would happen to me or to my patients while Judy was there. She was everything that I was not--she was experienced--I had none. She was competent--I was learning. She was confident--I was insecure.

As I thought about that tonight I thought of a verse that I found today, "For I am the Lord your God who takes your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

Just as the physical presence of my co-worker eased my fears because of all that she was capable of--how much more should the continual, unfailing presence of the Lord ease my fears. For everything that I am incapable of--He is able. I can't love without Him--He is love. I am full of pride--He teaches me humility. I can't be good, or brave or kind--He is the One who clothes me in His righteousness, whose love drives out my fears, and who teaches me compassion.