Angry brow Clenched fists hidden behind a mask of smiles and "its all-rights" Hiding the heart that has once again turned love to anger You see, its easier to be angry To put up walls to not let You in But really its harder in the end And as I sit here and listen to Ann share the road to joy paved in thanks, thanks in all things, because You are in all things And You are always good And what You have given me right now is very good I want, O Lord a heart that is always giving thanks but I know that in my sinfulness, anger often takes its place. Lord forgive me and change me transfigure me by Your grace Let me never forget what You have given me You gave Yourself upon the cross How can I ask for more I lust and hunger for lesser things wondering why they do not fill Yet You continue Your grace to out-pour You give me breath for one more moment You give me tears to wipe away the pain You give me heartache that my heart might ache for You!! You give me nieces and nephews You give me love of dear friends You give me salvation--once and for all! You give me Yourself, on Your name I call You give me grace upon grace and still give me more! Your name I will praise. You I adore! Lord You have saved me; You have loved me You have and You will You are the I am the unchanging ever present God! Lord I thank You!
"Where are you?" the whisper comes, I cringe,and I hide. I wonder, "should I run?" Like my mother Eve, I don't want to be found, I hide in a corner, afraid of the Sun. "Where are you?" the voice is heard! He is coming closer, the living Word. I quake inside, afraid He will see, the horrible mess inside of me! "Where are you?" I hear Him say His voice is gentle, and kind. I almost move from my hiding but shrink back remembering the chains that are binding
Then suddenly the night is ablaze with light, My heart is exposed as His glory shines down! I quake and I tremble, now with great fear and awe The angels proclaim "Peace on Earth" and skies are filled with Heaven's sound "Where are you?" I hear the words ring in my heart The words seem spoken now right in my heart I bend over the manager and the tears start to flow "Here I am" He speaks to my heart as His love breaks my walls and the chains come apart Immanuel, came down to dwell with us He came as a babe, humble and small A Gift given once, for one and for all
Since Your Advent the stars have sung-- as there in the sky that bright star was hung! Your birth proclaimed to the wisest of sages, Your coming foretold from the dawn of the ages. The star shone its brightest when it announced You had come! Salvation declared! peace for everyone! For thirty-three years the stars sang Your praise Announcing: He's here! The Ancient of Days! Then one day the stars went out As the Savior gave a mighty shout! As the One who made them hung and died the sky went silent--the heavens cried. One early morn, the sun shone bright! The Lord rose triumphant and death lost the fight! And now today a new sign is seen There to be viewed by eyes made keen In the southern sky a cross was hung Hope for the hearts where Your song is sung Until that day when again You come the Southern Cross reminds us that the work is Done! Dedicated to T.L who inspired these thoughts from his own experience seeing the Southern Cross on a cool clear night on the deck of a naval vessel during World War II.
Ann Voskamp said it this way, "remembering with thanks is what causes us to trust--to really believe."
Theses words rang in my ears as I slipped into my worn plastic chair yesterday in the chapel--chairs filled with people--brothers & sisters in Christ ringed the room. Centered around one thing: the remembrance table that held the bread and wine.
Jesus instituted this on the night He was betrayed--it was His final instruction before He went to the cross. "And He took bread and when He had given thanks,broke it and gave it to them saying, "This is My body which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of Me."
Remembering with thanks. This is the call of the communion table.
Every week we gather to remember--because we are a forgetful people.
I forget my need for Him. I look to myself and when I do I watch my world crumble.
Like the Israelites of old I need to hear again "look & live!"
Like the 3 on the Mount--open my eyes that I may see Jesus only!!
“You count every single grace that He gave through the long dark night, and you see that there are more than 153." The past 6 months have been for me the long dark night. I have struggled, and I have wrestled, I have sinned, and I have repented, but I have wallowed in guilt. But He giveth more grace-- He never gives up on me I am surrounded by His people He speaks His truth into my life even when I am not always listening or obeying He relentlessly pursues me He reveals His truth to me He walks between the sacrifices alone--resting the full weight of the covenant on Himself He breaks open the sky He is my Peace He reminds me of His faithfulness He still loves me He is good to me He gives strength He gives grace He is LORD He rescued me from my sin He redeems my life He crowns me with loving-kindness and tender mercies He restores my soul He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake He changes me He will not leave me as I am He is always good and all His gifts are good "looking unto Jesus!"
I found a picture of the old chapel barn on my computer a few nights ago and it got me thinking about how wonderful camp is and how many great things God has done there.
Camp for me is a bit of a heritage. My grandparents have been a part of camp since almost day one. My mom and dad met there and so you could almost say that without camp I wouldn't even be here.
But the best thing about camp is that when I was 4 years old we went to family camp and there for the first time that I can remember (probably more because I was just then old enough to really remember, not because it was actually the first time) I heard that old, old story of Jesus and His love. I remember sitting in the tepee and learning this chorus:
"My heart was black with sin, until the Savior came in.
His precious blood I know has washed me white as snow,
and in God's word I'm told, I'll walk the streets of gold.
What a wonderful, wonderful day, He washed my sins away!"
I remember going home from that week and not long after walking into the kitchen and asking my mom how I could be saved. I may have been little, but I knew full well that I was a sinner in need of a Savior. I praise the Lord for the work of camp in my life--first and foremost to point me to salvation, and secondly for all the years of discipleship and service that the Lord has given me there. And so when people ask why I love camp--that is why, because it was there that I met Jesus!
I was reading Genesis 15 today and something struck me that I had never seen before (by the way, isn't that wonderful! The Living Word of communicates to us in new ways every time we read it by the power of the Holy Spirit in us!)
Genesis 15:1-2 After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying, “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward.”
But Abram said, “Lord God, what will You give me, seeing I go childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?”
The Lord God of the universe, the creator and sustainer of all things, tells Abram that He is his reward, his treasure and Abram says, "what will you give me?"
Isn't that like us though? We accept the grace of God, the free and glorious gift of eternal life in Christ Jesus and then we say to God, "what will you give me?"
Perhaps the better question would be, "What can I give Him?"
The words of this chorus by Barry McGuire sum it up well:
1 Peter 5:6-11 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,
7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
9 Resist him,firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.
10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
11 To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
I was reading this passage the other day as I was sitting at work, barely able to breathe because of the anxieties that were crushing me. It has been a long time since I have had a full-blown panic attack but this week has certainly tested those limits. And as I sat and tried to breathe, and tried to pray, as the Lord often does, He brought a song to my mind that perfectly fit the situation. It was the Psalty the Singing Songbook children's chorus "I cast all my cares upon You."
I pulled up 1 Peter 5 on biblegateway.com because I knew that verse was somewhere in there but as I read down through the verses I was struck with how isolated from each other verses 6, 7 and 8 often are in our thinking.
As I meditated on this passage I felt like the Lord opened my eyes to see a few things.
1. Humility is necessary for casting our cares on Him. You see, anxiety is really just me fighting for control and realizing that I don't have it.
2. Casting our cares requires that we bend our knees, because like the song says "I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet."
3. Fear is consequence of every lie.--This is actually at thought that Mike Donehey from Tenth Ave North unpacks here:
But what I liked about this as I watched this video again is that he points out that Satan is the father of lies and I think that ties verse 7 & 8 together for me. See, we cast all out cares on Him, and then immediately after Peter tells us to be sober and watchful because our adversary, the devil is seeking whom he may devour. And the first time I read that the other day I was confused---thinking, "Peter, your thought train just jumped the track and I fell off." But because fear/anxiety, whatever you want to call it, is the product of believing a lie and Satan is the father of lies, if we want to escape fear we need to be on our guard against lies.
4. One final thought, and perhaps the most important.
Humbling yourself is key because it puts you back where you belong and remind you of Who it is that sits on the throne. And then there is no fear because He has promised: "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because He trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3
Look to Him. Cast your cares on Him--believing that He is more than able. And don't believe the lies!
I was thinking a lot about storms today, and fear because for me the two often go hand in hand. I enjoy a good thunderstorm now and then.. but only if it is not too big and the winds don't blow too hard and I am inside and not outside or in a tent or in a car... and the list of conditions goes on.
You see I like control. But the reality I have none. Not now, not yesterday, not tomorrow, not ever. And thank the Lord for that. And I thought of Peter. Peter, who was so excited to see the Lord that he forgot that he couldn't swim, and jumped out of the boat and miraculously walked toward his Lord.
But then he saw the waves and started to sink.
Isn't that what happens to us. In the storms of life, the things that we fear, whether it be death, or sickness, suffering or sorrow, pain or loss... the waves of fear overwhelm us and we take our eyes off Christ. We fail to see the miracle in the midst of the storm. The very trial that we are facing is really for His glory and our sanctification. But instead we see the waves of fear and we start to sink. May we instead see Christ and Him glorified and give Thanks in all things. May we see the miracle in the trials and may His name be praised.
Maybe you know the song, "Everything is Sacred" by Caedmon's Call? If you don't check it out and keep the tissues handy. I love that song--it honors the role of moms and that is something we cannot do enough. But the song is hard for me too, because I am not a mom and I don't have those same moments to call sacred in my life. I am not cleaning up after small children, or cooking for them, or weaving gospel truths into their lives in ways that they can understand.
Nope, instead 5 days a week I wrench myself out of bed at the last possible minute, rush around--making coffee, making lunch, and doing my make-up in the car as I drive the 30 minute commute to work. I am a nurse and I love my job. But it is a job--complete with the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, the hard and the easy. But it struck me as I listened to that song the other day--that the idea that everything is sacred is not exclusive to this beautiful vocation called motherhood. Colossians 3:23-24 says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." The Lord Himself sanctifies all our work as service to Him. Not just the beautiful moments when we get to witness for Him or pray with someone, but all the moments He claims as His. Our days, our lives are sacred because He is Lord of them all. Do we realize this daily? Do we work with our true Master in mind or as "men-pleasers?" I ask these questions of myself and I am cut to the heart--because so often I do not realize these things--I serve myself instead of Christ and do not allow Him to sanctify my life. I am reminded of another song by Jason Gray that says "Nothing is wasted, nothing is wasted, in the hands of our Redeemer, nothing is wasted." He wants to redeem our days for eternity--whether we are cleaning up puke, or mucking out stalls, or creating works of art--May He be glorfied in our service!
I am a whore I took what You gave me and I asked for more Rather than staying faithful to the marriage bed I closed my heart to Your love and pursued my wants instead I didn't love You first or best, In my whoredom I put Your love to the test. I ran after lust, attention and fun It felt good for a moment and then it was done. The world's love left me empty, It could never fulfill I now know true love is only found in Your will. Held in Your arms--I find peace and rest Forever I am Yours, forever I'm blest! (*read more about God's heart for us over here with one of my favorite Christian musicians, Mike Donehey.)
Hope is here. Amidst despair though nations war and rage though hate may seem to win the day though fears o'erwhelm and threaten to drown Hope is here. Hope is here. Amidst our doubts though famine plague us though disease prevails though courage fails and my heart sinks low Hope is here. Hope is here! As the dawn breaks new each morn with clarity and wonder my soul eyes see All Your faithfulness Lord to me Hope is here! Hope is here! As You promise to ne'er forsake me though the darkness swells around me And though Your face I cannot see Your hand it holds me You never let go of me Hope is here!
I was reading Mark 10 this morning and the audacity of verse 35 struck me like never before. James and John, come to the Lord and they say "Master,we want You to do for us whatever we ask of You." Excuse me??? James and John, did I hear you correctly? You are telling the Lord of Creation to give you whatever you want?? Earlier in the chapter we see two examples of what happens when man is given whatever he wants. First in verses 1-12 the Lord is teaching about divorce. He explains that divorce was only allowed because of the hardness of the hearts of men. God gave them what they wanted and in the process families were destroyed and sin continued.
Then in verses 17-31 we see the story of the rich young ruler. He had been extremely blessed with material things. He had everything that he wanted and those very things became the barrier that kept him from following Christ and gaining eternal life. Do we really want God to give us what we want? How often are we like James and John, making demands of the Lord Most High about what we think is best for us? I know in my own life that I have recently seen myself doing this very thing. I was chasing after something that was not mine to have. God had clearly shown me that and yet I was angry with Him for not giving me what I wanted. How thankful I am that our God is a loving Father who gives us what is best for us. He did not give me what I wanted and I am so thankful. Rather He reminded me that He has already given me all that I need in the person of His Son the Lord Jesus and His work on the cross. May I never forget the lesson that I have learned!
In the shadow of the steeple, my worries war and rage My feelings run me ragged at the ending of this day; My anger boils hot at the injustice I have seen. I have tried and often failed to shine in this world of need. MY burden is so heavy, my heart, it breaks in two. These troubles are too much, I don't know what I can do. But then I hear You calling at the closing of the day, "Come unto Me. The weary ones I will never turn away." In the shadow of the steeple I feel the shadow of the Rock-- As You lift my burden from me and nail it to the cross. O Lord I find my shelter forever in Your love. Fill me with Your grace that others they may see, reflected in my life, the love, O Lord of Thee.
Home is where the heart is, right? And so my heart is hidden in His heart (my home) and He has made my heart His home. Wow!
And so I wear these words around my wrist:
"I'd rather."
Why?
Because I'd rather have Jesus. Period.
And I will cling to that even when life doesn't make sense and other things try and pull me away. Like the preacher said tonight: "It doesn't have to make sense, we just have to trust and obey."
I saw my friend Ali's post on this prompt and I knew that I needed to write this--because today is my momma's birthday. My momma carried me 41 1/2 weeks and labored over 24 hours for me. She gave up her nursing career to raise me. She worked a crazy overnight shift Friday night into Saturday and then came home and cared for her stubborn, bottle-refusing, infant daughter. She led me to Jesus in our little blue kitchen in the middle of making pies. She became camp nurse so that her little one could go to camp and still have the comfort of having momma near (I didn't go to camp without her until I was 15!) She drove me everywhere and made that space the place to share everything that was on my heart. She loved my dad and together they gave me the stability of a happy home. She challenged me, rebuked me, corrected me and encouraged me. She got up at 5am with me everyday for 6 months or more to pray for me and trust God with me for each day. She loved me enough to let me go, yet also loves me enough to let me come home anytime I want. She was my role model, as nurse, as mother, as wife and friend. I thank God for her always and wish her a very happy day!
I have been thinking an praying about a pretty major decision lately and as I see the Lord reveal His will to me I am thrilled at the confirmations that He has sent my way.
The decision before me would have been a major change in location for a girl who has grown up in the same town since she was 7, the same church since she was born. The girl who likes to travel but always loves coming home. The girl who finally moved out at the age of 25, a mile and a half down the road!
The answer is "here am I"---the words that Isaiah spoke when the Lord asked "Whom shall I send and who shall go for us?"
I have wrestled with this question--wanting to answer like Isaiah, fearing what that might mean.
Interestingly enough, the word send carries with it the idea of the shoot growing out from a vine. And the word go carries with it the idea of the manner of life lived.
Sound familiar? Maybe reminiscent of Jesus' words "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."
When the Lord asks, "whom shall I send"---He is asking "who will be a branch from my vine?" And when He asks, "who shall go for us"---He is asking "who will live for Me?"
So maybe the "here I am" is more about who we are in Christ--not where we are geographically or circumstantially.
Here I am. In the same town I grew up in. In the same church that I have always attended. In the same ministry for almost 10 years. And Here I am. Ready and willing Lord to be used of You!
I was reading Solomon's accounting of the house that he built for the Lord. The temple was a magnificient structure--it took 7 years to complete! But Solomon, in all his wisdom, says this: "The house that I am to build will be great, for our God is greater than all gods. But who is able to build him a house, since heaven, even highest heaven, cannot contain him? Who am I to build a house for him, except as a place to make offerings before him?" 2Chronicles 2:5-6 The work that we do for the Lord is just that-- an offering of worship before Him. It is not because of our greatness "Who am I?" but because of His greatness that we give our lives as worship for Him, and to Him for His glory!
I am thankful today for:
The reminder that our God is a miracle working God!!
A new look at an old story--seeing through the life of Mary that not understanding and yet believing can walk hand in hand as we wonder at all that He is!!
The sun rise reminding me that the Son has risen!!
Hope and healing in the ICU
His grace is sufficient for me!!
He alone is worthy of all praise
For warmth when it is cold, and cold when it is warm--oh, Lord, we are so blessed
For chats over lunches with good friends
For seeing & surrendering to Him each day
For the care and genuine concern and encouragement for me offered by dear friends
For being able to catch glimpses of what God is doing!
I was watching some TV show and one of the characters had gone through some pretty difficult situations and was recognizing that in life she must yield up control. Yup, me too. I too need to learn to yield up control. I control what I say and do so that people will be happy with me. I control what I wear and what I look like to gain the approval of others. I control the skills that I have and the work that I do so that everyone will know that I am a good nurse. I control whatever I can. And then it comes crashing down. The stress of that kind of self-inflicted responsibility only causes anxiety and fear. Because the reality is that I have no control. But unlike the character in the show I was watching I don't just yield control to the fates. I can yield up control to Someone who loves me! Jesus came to rescue us from the folly of ourselves. He is my Savior (and oh, how desperately I need a Savior!) But He is also my Lord. He is the King of Kings and the Lord of lords. He is the Eternal One. Colossians says that: "For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through Him and for Him.And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." I don't need to hold it together because He is holding all things together. And daily I need to preach this message to myself that "His grace is sufficient for me." When I yield control to Him I place my appearance, my reputation, my job, my future, my life in His hands. I don't need to get it right all the time. I don't even need to be the perfect Christian. Jesus saved me knowing full well that I would mess up and that I would fail. He knows my weaknesses and He loves me anyways. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." So Lord, I pray that I would learn to rest in Your grace, to trust in Your plan and remember that You are the One who holds it all together! Amen!
"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12
It sits on my desk. The Joy Box that I made. Over and over and over it says: "Count it all joy!"--the rest of that verse says, "when you face trials of many kinds, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience and let patience have its perfect work that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing." James 1:2-4
And so I will keep counting...
a wonderful weekend at Iroquoina
meeting new friends who are like old friends
worshipping with others who Love You!
hearing from the hearts of young men who are set on passionately serving the Savior
building snowmen and playing in castles--feeling like a kid again
safety on the roads--Jesus carrying my poor old car there and back again
18. A gift held: my hand held as a dear gentleman at church listened to me share what the Lord is doing in my life. 19. A gift passed by: a baby nestled in her sister's arms 20. A gift sat with: dinner with my dear Mrs.V. What a joy she is to me! 21. A gift sour: tart wildberry tea to help me through my day. 22. A gift sweet: dark chocolate kisses 23. A gift just right: Hot cocoa with ginger snaps! But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me Enjoying this song tonight!
14. a beautiful sunrise this morning that reminded me of this:
Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O LORD, and you are exalted as head above all.
1 Chronicles 29:11
15. These amazing gluten-free recipes! Finding new things that Heather can eat is so fun!
*disclaimer: results not typical
(actually my pancakes were much smaller--I just thought this picture was funny)
This 2nd recipe I modified quite a bit: here's my version
3/4 cup of dark buckwheat flour (I omitted the flaxseed) 1 teaspoon of baking powder 1 teaspoon of cinnamon 1 egg 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk 2 apples, peeled and grated (I used some left over fruit salad--pears, apples and bananas ~ 1 1/2 cups and chopped it in the food processor) 3 Tablespoons of coconut oil, melted (I used regular vegetable oil)
Additions:
1/2 cup of blueberries, (I used shredded coconut) 1/4 cup of chocolate chips I really liked the way they turned out--but you should know that they hardly rise at all--so however thick they are before you bake them is how thick they will be after you bake them. Also I think in the future I will add a little sweetener (honey, maple syrup, brown sugar, etc) and some salt.
16. getting my car back from the shop! Thankful for the blessing and burden of car ownership--blessed to have my own care when so many in this world don't even have their own bed. And the burden of car ownership--reminding me of His grace because I hardly ever know what is going on with car stuff and must depend on others. May I learn to daily remember that I don't really know what is going on with life stuff and must depend on Him!!
17. Thankful for the kindness of strangers--that the man @ the auto parts store used the extra time he had on hand to put my headlight in for me :)
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